During an addiction, it is common to act out and make a variety of impulsive decisions. Some of these choices may have led to broken trust and other kinds of damage in the relationships between you and your family members. As the family can play a major role in your identity and feelings of security, the destruction of these relationships may take a severe toll on your emotional state.
If your past mistakes have altered your relationships with your family members, there are ways to make reparations and work toward having healthy relationships with them again. The effects of addiction will often hurt not just you but the family unit as a whole. Apologizing and moving forward from these damages to your family members can be extremely important.
Understand the Past
To move forward with your family relations, you will need to understand the main factors that led to issues in the past. The aspects that affect your relationships can include a variety of things. Different factors may be important in your relationships with different family members, but there can also be a good deal of overlap.
Some of you may be working to repair your relationship with your parents and siblings. Others may be working to repair relationships with your significant other and children. The way you approach these conversations will differ for children and adults.
Regardless of the individual you are making reparations with; it is important to continue using the skills you have learned throughout treatment. With your coping skills, anger management skills, communication skills, and all the other knowledge you have gained, you can approach these conversations healthily and efficiently.
Reparations With Adults
If you are working to make amends with adults within your family, you likely can be more upfront and discuss the situation head-on. By apologizing and admitting you were wrong when discussing the past, you can also open the opportunity to explain how your behavior moving forward will be different. Discussing the changes you have made in your lifestyle, and the ways you have learned to cope with situations may be greatly appreciated by your family members.
Acknowledging any harm you have caused can help adult family members move past negative emotions toward you and help them approach the relationship with a fresh mindset. Depending on the relationship you have with the adult, you may need to make different commitments regarding what you will do differently moving forward. Suppose you are working to repair a relationship with your significant other, for example. In that case, your approach may differ from your approach when making reparations to your parents.
It is important to address the specific issues you encountered within that specific relationship and listen to what that person needs from you to move forward. Setting grounds for healthy communication can allow each individual to express their needs and concerns. Keeping your emotions regulated during these conversations and paying full attention to their needs can help you develop a plan for moving forward with the relationship.
Reparations With Children
When making reparations with children, you may need to take a less direct approach than you would with adults. Younger children may not understand the addiction’s severity or its effects on their everyday lives. If your child is upset with you over a specific situation, you can address that and apologize for your actions.
Often, the harm an adult’s addiction has on children is caused by a lack of presence. It is common for people who have an addiction to be so distracted by the use of a substance that they treat the substance as a priority over their children. Acknowledging that you may not have been there for them when needed and implementing ways to improve that can go a long way with a child. Try suggesting a weekly activity or picking up a new hobby together. Spending quality time with children is one of the best ways to make reparations and become a positive influence on their life.
Provide Resources
For many family members, forgiveness and acceptance may not come easy. Regardless of your family members’ reactions, being patient and listening to their needs can provide an opportunity for you to reestablish the relationship in the future. If your loved ones are struggling to move past the addiction and consequences that came with it, provide them with resources to help them work through it at their own pace.
While you have been through treatment for recovery, understand that sometimes the family members of someone in recovery need a form of treating themselves to overcome the emotional damages. Looking into family therapy or individualized therapy for your loved ones may benefit them. Ask them what they feel would help them overcome the past and help them to achieve their goals in this process.
Making reparations takes a great deal of patience and understanding. Regardless of your family members’ openness to moving forward in a positive relationship with you, the healthy ways you use to approach these conversations can be a beneficial tool for all the relationships you will have in the future.
Damages within the family structure due to an addiction can be extremely hard to overcome emotionally. As the family can be a foundation of support and identity, the damage to family relationships can be especially important to repair. When making reparations, the approach may differ depending on the family member you have wronged. The approach taken when repairing relationships with adults will likely be much different from the approach you would take with children. Understanding the specific downfalls of the relationships and including a conversation about what specific actions you will take to improve each relationship can help each person feel acknowledged. Even if these approaches do not go the way you anticipate, you will be practicing healthy communication that will serve you in future relationships. To learn more techniques to help you make reparations with your family members, reach out to Dream Recovery at (949) 732-1960.
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