As you undertake your journey through addiction recovery, looking back on your situation before treatment, you may realize some friendships were damaged by your addiction. These damages can be hard to overcome. However, if these friendships seem to impact your lifestyle positively, there are ways to repair these relationships and move past the damage.
Learn From the Past
Before you work to repair a friendship, it is important to observe the relationship from both perspectives. Ask yourself if the relationship positively impacted you and the other individual. While there may have been some negative aspects of the friendship, try to view the relationship as a whole to determine if continuing this friendship will benefit both of you. Holding onto a harmful relationship will not help you build the healthy lifestyle you are working toward in recovery.
If you feel that this individual will be a positive addition to your life as a sober individual, contemplate the fallout of your friendship. Observing the situations that hurt the relationship can be helpful information you can use to move forward. If you can pinpoint the actions that disrupted your relationship, you can put together a plan to avoid those actions going forward.
Making reparations often requires you to take a large amount of accountability for the failure of the relationship. This is the time to come clean with your mistakes and share the ways you have changed. Opening up about these mistakes and admitting wrongful doings can go a long way in a relationship. Having a specific plan for how to avoid making the same mistake in the future can show that you have put thought into your actions and are working to make the necessary adjustments to improve your friendship.
Allow Time to Heal
Depending on the situations that led up to friendship falling out, the time needed to repair things may differ. After you approach the individual with an apology and explanation, they may not feel the immediate desire to continue your friendship. Although this conversation will likely be appreciated, many people will feel the need to at least process the information first. It is important to allow your friends time to process your approach and give them space to formulate their thoughts.
Pressuring someone into continuing a friendship shows a lack of respect for the other person. Take things slowly, just as if you were first becoming friends. Ease into the relationship again and allow them the time they need to process and heal.
Support Their Needs
Along with supporting your friend’s desire for space, you should also listen to their needs and support them the best you can. If they pinpoint an issue that was hurtful to them in the past, discuss ways to ensure that issue will not happen again.
Being mindful of the other person’s needs is a healthy way to reinitiate the friendship and will benefit both of you. A healthy friendship is full of support on both ends. This can ensure you restart your friendship on the right track.
Stay Consistent
After approaching the individual and allowing both of you the necessary amount of time to heal, you must follow through with any promises you made. If you tell the individual about the adjustment you have made in your life and ensure you are no longer going to participate in an action that caused issues previously, it is important to keep your word. Remaining consistent with these efforts will show that you truly have reflected upon your past mistakes.
Reopening a friendship that caused harm in the past can be high risk and come with a variety of emotional obstacles to overcome. Starting the friendship again with false information or broken promises will only cause further damage. This is your opportunity to show your friend what you have learned and feel accomplished from your progress.
Making Amends
There may be some situations in which you reach out to make amends, but the other induvial does not feel that the friendship is beneficial to them. This can be hard news to hear and accept. However, part of making reparations is respecting the needs of others. Even if you can’t salvage the relationship, many benefits can come from an attempt to make things right.
It is normal for friendships to change as we move forward through life. Some relationships only serve a purpose for a short period. If the individual does not feel your friendship is beneficial anymore, try to leave on good terms. It is possible to have respect for each other still even if the friendship has diminished.
Leaving the relationship on a positive note is more important than getting what you want out of the conversation. Making amends and moving forward with positivity regardless of the outcome takes a great deal of responsibility and patience, and it is something you can be proud of.
As you work through the recovery process, you may notice that a variety of relationships were damaged by your addiction. There are ways to make reparations within these friendships and move forward from these obstacles. The most important aspect of making reparations is the initial conversation. When you reach out to your past friend, explain and apologize for your mistakes and inform them of how you have changed for the better. Allowing each other time to think about the conversation and respecting each other’s decisions moving forward is essential. If the other individual does not desire to continue the friendship, do your best to make amends. This can help you feel comfortable with the way the relationship ended and disregard any hard feelings. To learn more about making reparations with friends after recovery, reach out to Dream Recovery at (949) 732-1960.
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